To Go or Not to Go?
>> Thursday, January 26, 2012
My mom is probably having surgery on Thursday next week (Feb 2). She still needs to get clearance from her cardiologist and she has an appointment with him on Monday.
I found tickets at a decent price if I fly out to Phoenix on Tuesday (Jan 31 - yup, not how I thought I would spend my golden birthday) and come back on Feb 13.
Mom says not to book them until she finds out for sure from her cardiologist that she's having surgery.
I'm wondering about the timing of when to go.
She's not going to find out until after her surgery is over whether or not the tumor/cyst is cancerous. The doctor is going to test it for cancer as soon as he removes it, and will operate further based upon what he finds. There are indicators that it is and is not cancer so no one will know until they can see it in person.
Mom is going to be in the hospital for at least 3 days. If the tumor is cancer and part of her intestines are removed, then one to two days will be added to her stay. From what I understand, if the tumor is cancer, then she will probably have a port put in her abdomen for chemo (if she chooses that type before hand) during the surgery as her oncologist wants to take care of all of that at the same time.
Then she's on strict restrictions for the following 6 weeks.
So here's my dilemma.
Do I go sooner rather than later, be there for the surgery, and not be able to visit her in the hospital since Z won't be allowed there?
Will Z be too rambunctious to visit for the first 6 weeks of recovery?
Should I wait to visit until Mom is home from the hospital and feeling better?
If it is cancer, should I wait until mid-chemo or will Mom still be feeling too poorly to have a 1 year-old under foot?
Hubby says go now. He feels incredibly awful, still, that he didn't visit his mom out in England when she had cancer. He doesn't want me to make the same mistake.
Also, Z has to come with me. So it's not a matter of leaving her with hubby since he has to work.
If it was just me, I'd go before surgery and stay with my mom in the hospital. But Z will be with me and I'm not sure how that's going to work or how helpful I'm actually going to be. The last thing I want to do is add to everyone's stress levels with a baby on hand that is in the fun stage of getting into everything.
But then Z also has a way of cheering everyone up, and if it is cancer, she'll be a nice distraction. Which may be just what everyone needs.
So I'm incredibly torn over when to go.
The only catch about going out there later, in March or April, is that we may be smack dab in the middle of moving so there's that to think about, too.
If you were me, what would you do??
I found tickets at a decent price if I fly out to Phoenix on Tuesday (Jan 31 - yup, not how I thought I would spend my golden birthday) and come back on Feb 13.
Mom says not to book them until she finds out for sure from her cardiologist that she's having surgery.
I'm wondering about the timing of when to go.
She's not going to find out until after her surgery is over whether or not the tumor/cyst is cancerous. The doctor is going to test it for cancer as soon as he removes it, and will operate further based upon what he finds. There are indicators that it is and is not cancer so no one will know until they can see it in person.
Mom is going to be in the hospital for at least 3 days. If the tumor is cancer and part of her intestines are removed, then one to two days will be added to her stay. From what I understand, if the tumor is cancer, then she will probably have a port put in her abdomen for chemo (if she chooses that type before hand) during the surgery as her oncologist wants to take care of all of that at the same time.
Then she's on strict restrictions for the following 6 weeks.
So here's my dilemma.
Do I go sooner rather than later, be there for the surgery, and not be able to visit her in the hospital since Z won't be allowed there?
Will Z be too rambunctious to visit for the first 6 weeks of recovery?
Should I wait to visit until Mom is home from the hospital and feeling better?
If it is cancer, should I wait until mid-chemo or will Mom still be feeling too poorly to have a 1 year-old under foot?
Hubby says go now. He feels incredibly awful, still, that he didn't visit his mom out in England when she had cancer. He doesn't want me to make the same mistake.
Also, Z has to come with me. So it's not a matter of leaving her with hubby since he has to work.
If it was just me, I'd go before surgery and stay with my mom in the hospital. But Z will be with me and I'm not sure how that's going to work or how helpful I'm actually going to be. The last thing I want to do is add to everyone's stress levels with a baby on hand that is in the fun stage of getting into everything.
But then Z also has a way of cheering everyone up, and if it is cancer, she'll be a nice distraction. Which may be just what everyone needs.
So I'm incredibly torn over when to go.
The only catch about going out there later, in March or April, is that we may be smack dab in the middle of moving so there's that to think about, too.
If you were me, what would you do??
1 comments:
Kate, I love how you are ready to jump into the fray even though you have a very active 1 year old, gorgeous, wonderful daughter. I appreciate too, the way your husband frees you to do what you need to do when you need to do it no matter the sacrifice he has to make. I am here and don't plan to go anywhere yet, but if some complication takes place I will be in a far better place and you wouldn't have been able to be at the hospital with me anyway. We'll make a plan for you to come after the surgery either during my 5 week recovery or after depending on any follow up treatment. It's not like I am in New Jersey w/o any support group around me and in the middle of a move. We have had offers of help from our church family and from neighbors. We will be well taken care of until a better time for you to come. I would guess a week after surgery would be best but we'll see. I love you Princess, more than words can say. Have a great golden birthday celebration with your husband and baby! Mom
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