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Busy Busy Bee

>> Saturday, March 31, 2012

I have no idea where this week went.  Feels like I was sitting in church minutes ago, not a week ago.  Time flies when you're having fun!

Yesterday was somehow jam packed, too, like all of the days before it.

First off, the toilet downstairs broke in the morning and started spraying water everywhere, flooding the bathroom in seconds.
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A Good Explanation

>> Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Please read this post over at Mel's about the toll of infertility.  Even if you don't struggle with it yourself.  Read it for me, and every other woman who struggles with infertility because you will understand us so much better if you do.

I am adding that the marathon running doesn't stop even if you are blessed enough to have a child through whatever means.  It continues if you want more kids.  It continues if you don't.  The pain and loss that comes from the land of IF is redeemable, but ever present.  It is seared into the fabric your soul.  There is no "getting over" infertility.  You get through it, but you never get over it.

Thank you for listening.
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Out of Our Hands

Well, we over-nighted our package proving we qualify for the adoption tax credits to the IRS today.  It should get to Massachusetts tomorrow by noon...

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Thoughts About Race

I am white to the core - all of my blood goes back to the Brits, Germans, and Scottish.  My dad is a first generation immigrant to the US, but from Australia.  I do have brown hair and somewhat olive-ish skin, but overall very white and I tend to freckle in the sun more than tan.

My husband, on the other hand, is half German, half Filipino.  Most people upon meeting him can't tell what mix he is because he looks like he could be part Asian or part Hispanic or part Native American or part Middle Eastern.  The more he is in the sun, the darker he gets, and at times he can look more blasian than asian/white.

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New Look

>> Tuesday, March 27, 2012

It seemed like it was time for some change.  Gotta mix it up or I go stir crazy.  I think I like this layout better.  :)
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A bit numb-ish

In the world of infertility, we do a lot of things to protect ourselves from hurt and disappointment since those things are an everyday affair, at least most of the time.  From what I read in other blogs, I know I'm not the only one who is at times terrified of buying baby stuff.

When I got pregnant with the triplets, after the first trimester but before we knew there were three babies inside of me, I finally let myself go a little hog wild and we all know how well that turned out.

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Z's 15 month checkup

>> Monday, March 26, 2012

It started off monumentally, as in on the drive to the clinic, we hit a lawn chair mattress blown up into the air by the car in front of us.  It was absolutely unavoidable.  We were fine, but it did rip off the plastic plate protecting my oil hoses and such on the bottom of my car.  Sorry for the lack of an official part name but I am challenged when it comes to anything car related, despite handing tools to my dad when he worked on our '83 Land Rover.  Hubby is going to take care of fixing it this afternoon.  He's the best.  And I'm glad there wasn't more damage.

Anyways, we arrived safe and mostly sound to Z's appointment.  The clinic was running terribly behind, the worst I've ever experienced in the military with Z's doctors.  It took them over an hour to call us back, but once they did, things moved along pretty well.

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Steps to Sanity & questions about Z

>> Sunday, March 25, 2012

Had a very long talk with Hubby yesterday about how I've been feeling.  Things kind of came to a head and it started off with me really frustrated and in tears, but ended with some solutions.

He's going to watch Z a little more often than one afternoon a month, which should allow me to relax a little more and get some much needed time to myself.  Already he's fulfilling that by taking her out this afternoon.  Unfortunately I went to bed with a killer headache, woke up with it, went to church with it, took a nap with it, and still have it.  I think it's because I took gluten free cheese pizza slices with me to Disney World on Thursday - and the milk is still bothering me.  Dairy gives me awful headaches for days, I recently found out.  But it's hard to find anything more convenient than pizza - eating and packing wise, compared to root veggies. And sometimes I miss cheese and eating normal food.

I also need to relinquish control when Hubby's watching Z, as in trust him, even when she comes home from the park with minor bruises and scratches.  He lets her run a little more free than I would, and is more casual about letting her fall down than I am.
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Super Sensitive

>> Saturday, March 24, 2012

I am seriously stressed out.

Like I was last summer when we were unsure of Hubby's health, our future, when we would be moving, how it would affect our family building or my parents' plans for visiting during Christmas, etc.

This time, though, the factors are different.

Since the beginning of February we've had a lot of important and huge deals happen lately, from finding out we're here in Florida for the rest of this year to completing a home study in record time to dealing with the IRS's annoying requests for further information which we've already provided them (for the adoption tax credits).  We've gone active with our adoption agency again.  All good things, except for the incompetent IRS, and even that was not unexpected.
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Food for Thought

The first step was adopting a gluten free lifestyle.  The second step was adopting a baby.  And the third and final step was my detox diet (not in the weight loss alone sense, but in the new way of eating for the rest of my life sense) that I started in earnest in January.  It would seem our transition to a greener, cleaner kind of life, though not complete, is well underway.

I never meant to 'go' green.  And being 'green' is not that much of a consideration in our revolutionary (at least for us) undertaking.  I did, however, want the kind of life where toxins and allergens and additives and pesticides had the most minimal impact on our health possible.  Where my daughter wouldn't be as big of a victim of her environment - food allergies, reproductive issues, problems with unexplainable physical pain, etc - as I have been.  I thought food was the main way, but after only the tiniest bit of research, I found that everything I wanted to avoid was not just in our food, but also in our lotions/shampoos/soaps/makeup/household cleaners, etc, soaking into our body through our skin (and in the case of my child - her mouth since everything goes there first).  I'm sure it's elsewhere, too, but those areas are where I'm starting the process of elimination.

So begins our transition to a cleaner, greener way of life.  I want to document this journey and have been debating creating a separate blog to explain why and also what I find out so it doesn't get lost in the everyday-ness of this particular blog.  So stay tuned - a second new blog is on its way!
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Welcome ICLW

>> Thursday, March 22, 2012

I'm a day late in getting this post up.  :(  It has been insanity around here and I honestly didn't get a spare moment to actually even sit down yesterday until 10:59 pm last night.

A quick summary of me:

- I am a military wife.

- We've been TTC and/or TTA since late 2005.  In that time we've done 3 IUIs, 3 IVFs, had two miscarriages, got pregnant with triplets who passed away at 22/23/24 weeks of pregnancy, and adopted a beautiful little girl last year, named Z, who turned 15 months yesterday.

- I am a stay at home mom, though I used to teach junior high and high school social studies and english here and overseas.

- We are currently home study approved as of a couple of days ago and are waiting to be matched with baby #2.

- We are also working on embryo adoption and we have two of our own frozen embryos that we need to give a shot at life, as well.

- I've been blogging for friends and family since 2004, but just started this blog for public use on my Facebook and also so I could join ICLW and other forums.

Thanks for stopping by!!
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Happy Dance!

>> Monday, March 19, 2012

We are once again home study approved as of 8:59 am today!!

Hubby ambushed his doctor, offered a variety of letters and formats for the doc to sign (who insisted on writing his own but kept writing one with the wrong or missing info for the PAST MONTH), the doc picked one, signed it, Hubby ran to his office and scanned it and emailed it to me, I then emailed it to our home study lady, who then read it, put it in our file, and signed the home study, which she emailed to me, with originals in the mail to us and our agency.

!!!!!

Praise God it's done and we're good to go!

I can't wait until we start getting shown to birth mothers at our agency.  Potentially by the end of this week!

Let the Great Baby Search of 2012 begin!!
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Home Again

>> Sunday, March 18, 2012

Hubby's week long conference finally ended today.  It was sad to leave the hotel with all of its amenities (I love having someone make my bed!) and fun activities, like pool time or playing in the kids' sandbox.  I can't believe I failed at getting pictures so completely.  I was a bit depressed about it yesterday as I packed everything up.  I was quite happy to realize, though, that when we came home this morning, this house actually felt like home and I was glad to be back.  I didn't expect such emotions, especially since Florida is not my favorite place.  Turns out that time really is key, and no matter how much I dislike where we move to at the beginning of a PCS, somewhere along the line my heart catches up with my circumstances and feelings of home and belonging do grow.  I think I will miss this place when we leave and I'm glad for that.
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Newsworthy

>> Friday, March 16, 2012

Another summary blog.

- My mom's first round of chemo did not go well.  She had a horrible allergic reaction after only 5 minutes of the first drug.  She hopefully will be able to get on the schedule for next week to try a different chemo treatment, and hopefully will not be allergic to it.  Prayers appreciated it.
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The C word

>> Monday, March 12, 2012


My Momma starts chemo tomorrow. Please keep her in your prayers. I know she's a bit anxious about how it's going to make her feel and look. Thank you.
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After a weekend of reflection

>> Sunday, March 11, 2012

I appreciate all the support I got on my last blog.  I've taken some time this past weekend to reflect on how infertility continues to affect my life and I've come to a few realizations.

First off, a friend sent me this on Friday:

We Are at War
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10)

Have you ever wondered why Jesus married those two statements? Did you even know he spoke them at the same time? I mean, he says them in one breath. And he has his reasons. By all means, God intends life for you. But right now that life is opposed. It doesn't just roll in on a tray. There is a thief. He comes to steal and kill and destroy. Why won't we face this? I know so few people who will face this. The offer is life, but you're going to have to fight for it, because there's an Enemy in your life with a different agenda.

There is something set against us.

We are at war.

I don't like that fact any more than you do, but the sooner we come to terms with it, the better hope we have of making it through to the life we do want. This is not Eden. You probably figured that out. This is not Mayberry, this is not Seinfeld's world, this is not Survivor. The world in which we live is a combat zone, a violent clash of kingdoms, a bitter struggle unto the death. I am sorry if I'm the one to break this news to you: you were born into a world at war, and you will live all your days in the midst of a great battle, involving all the forces of heaven and hell and played out here on earth.

Where did you think all this opposition was coming from?



(Waking the Dead , 12-13)  John Eldridge



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Stick a freaking fork in my eye already

>> Friday, March 9, 2012

Well folks, cheers to another Plan B.

I ended the day yesterday cussing and crying my eyes out in a way I haven't in a long time.  And eating crap.

Turns out our appointment with our local infertility clinic was a mixed bag and not the easy cheesy consult we expected.

I am a damn fool for expecting anything to happen easily for us.  If we don't have to move earth and sky to build our family, it's not real.  You'd think I'd know this by now, after the 6+ years we've spent scaling walls and barbed wire fences in pursuit of babies.

Apparently I'm dense.  And ever hopeful.  And an idiot.

Anywhooo, onward to the bad first.
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Insert Jazzy Title (summary of the past two weeks or so)

>> Sunday, March 4, 2012

The time, it flies.

Between the home study in 10 days, going to see my parents sans computer for 10 days, and being sick for the past two weeks, I am yet again waaaaaay behind on this here blog.

Le sigh.

Many times through the past couple of weeks I've thought to myself, "I need to blog that!" only to not blog at all.  

I will try to summarize the insanity for your reading pleasure:
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