Submitted & a Book You Should Read

I am a bundle of nerves, but after re-reading our application in total, I submitted it to NEDC.

Tomorrow I need to call WAMC to get my medical records for IVF #2 & #3, and HSG #2.

I am also calling my local clinic to get the ball rolling on surgery to remove my left tube.  Not sure what that all includes, but I'm hoping that I won't meet with much resistance from my doc or too long of a wait to get in to see him, get the pre-surgery tests done, and get the surgery scheduled.

NEDC has a very organized and detailed timeline of what happens and in what order, which an OCD person like me finds very comforting.

I'm sure anyone who has read this blog for any amount of time can tell that balancing the life I have with the life I want or think I should have is a tough assignment for me.  I find myself constantly being obsessed with either trying to make this next adoption happen in whatever form it's going to take, or wanting to walk away and quit because the waiting is so freaking hard.  Both are extremes that I don't like, two sides of the same coin of control that I can't seem to let go of.  But I have to find a way to even things out.  For my own sanity, for my husband's sanity, and so I don't miss out on the blessing of watching my daughter grow up each day.

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A Holiday Minimalist

I am not one to celebrate many holidays or special days.  In general, they just aren't that important to me, or Hubby, either.

The two that I mark on my calendar at the beginning of every year, though, are Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Those two I will go all out for and I look forward to them the entire 10 and a half months prior.  For me, Thanksgiving kicks off the Christmas season, which is my ultimate favorite.

I like July 4th, too, but whether I do anything to mark the occasion depends on my mood, where I'm living at the time, and whether extended family is involved.  Some of my best memories are sitting in the back of my parents' truck in Phoenix, parked outside their house, and watching the fireworks off in the distance.

The rest, though, like Valentines or Mother's/Father's day, or St. Patty's or what have you just seem like a hassle.  One more thing to have to run around and prepare for.  Spend money on.  Etc.

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6 Years+

Whelp, it's now been more than six years that we've been on our family building roller-coaster.  

Maybe it isn't so obvious, but Z has only increased our desire to have more children - she is just that awesome!  I figure we're about 1/3 of the way there to the number of kids we'd ideally like.

The past six years represent a lot for us.  We've been through so much in that time.  

6+ years is a long time, too.  I've spent one-fifth of my life fighting to build this family.  That's significant.  

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Thoughts About Race

I am white to the core - all of my blood goes back to the Brits, Germans, and Scottish.  My dad is a first generation immigrant to the US, but from Australia.  I do have brown hair and somewhat olive-ish skin, but overall very white and I tend to freckle in the sun more than tan.

My husband, on the other hand, is half German, half Filipino.  Most people upon meeting him can't tell what mix he is because he looks like he could be part Asian or part Hispanic or part Native American or part Middle Eastern.  The more he is in the sun, the darker he gets, and at times he can look more blasian than asian/white.

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Steps to Sanity & questions about Z

Had a very long talk with Hubby yesterday about how I've been feeling.  Things kind of came to a head and it started off with me really frustrated and in tears, but ended with some solutions.

He's going to watch Z a little more often than one afternoon a month, which should allow me to relax a little more and get some much needed time to myself.  Already he's fulfilling that by taking her out this afternoon.  Unfortunately I went to bed with a killer headache, woke up with it, went to church with it, took a nap with it, and still have it.  I think it's because I took gluten free cheese pizza slices with me to Disney World on Thursday - and the milk is still bothering me.  Dairy gives me awful headaches for days, I recently found out.  But it's hard to find anything more convenient than pizza - eating and packing wise, compared to root veggies. And sometimes I miss cheese and eating normal food.

I also need to relinquish control when Hubby's watching Z, as in trust him, even when she comes home from the park with minor bruises and scratches.  He lets her run a little more free than I would, and is more casual about letting her fall down than I am.

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Home Again

Hubby's week long conference finally ended today.  It was sad to leave the hotel with all of its amenities (I love having someone make my bed!) and fun activities, like pool time or playing in the kids' sandbox.  I can't believe I failed at getting pictures so completely.  I was a bit depressed about it yesterday as I packed everything up.  I was quite happy to realize, though, that when we came home this morning, this house actually felt like home and I was glad to be back.  I didn't expect such emotions, especially since Florida is not my favorite place.  Turns out that time really is key, and no matter how much I dislike where we move to at the beginning of a PCS, somewhere along the line my heart catches up with my circumstances and feelings of home and belonging do grow.  I think I will miss this place when we leave and I'm glad for that.

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One Step at a Time

I'll write about my birthday later.  It was a great day and if you're friends with me on Facebook, then you already know what I did.

Today, though, I have an update on something I didn't think I'd be writing about for at least another year.

In a nearly unprecedented change of the status quo, my hubby called me up this morning and asked me to schedule an initial appointment with the IVF clinic we really like and were able to get a referral to in town.  Apparently so we can get the ball rolling on me trying to get pregnant again.

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My last weekend as a 30 year-old

What a weekend of escapades!  Pirates and donuts and burned countertops and thrift stores, oh my!!

It all started when Hubby needed to check out some stuff for work in Orlando so we headed out there last minute late Friday afternoon.  After his work stuff was done, we decided to check out Downtown Disney, which is actually a pretty cool place, especially because of Babycakes, NYC - an allergen free bakery.

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Random Friday Bits

- After a long convo with my mom last night, she would rather me wait until after surgery to come visit.  So that's what I'm gonna do.

- Our credit card got hacked.  Again.  Thankful for our bank, who caught it and notified us and will be sending us new cards.

- Z is on some kind of weird sleep schedule.  This week her teething is horrible.

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