After a weekend of reflection

I appreciate all the support I got on my last blog.  I've taken some time this past weekend to reflect on how infertility continues to affect my life and I've come to a few realizations.

First off, a friend sent me this on Friday:

We Are at War
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10)

Have you ever wondered why Jesus married those two statements? Did you even know he spoke them at the same time? I mean, he says them in one breath. And he has his reasons. By all means, God intends life for you. But right now that life is opposed. It doesn't just roll in on a tray. There is a thief. He comes to steal and kill and destroy. Why won't we face this? I know so few people who will face this. The offer is life, but you're going to have to fight for it, because there's an Enemy in your life with a different agenda.

There is something set against us.

We are at war.

I don't like that fact any more than you do, but the sooner we come to terms with it, the better hope we have of making it through to the life we do want. This is not Eden. You probably figured that out. This is not Mayberry, this is not Seinfeld's world, this is not Survivor. The world in which we live is a combat zone, a violent clash of kingdoms, a bitter struggle unto the death. I am sorry if I'm the one to break this news to you: you were born into a world at war, and you will live all your days in the midst of a great battle, involving all the forces of heaven and hell and played out here on earth.

Where did you think all this opposition was coming from?



(Waking the Dead , 12-13)  John Eldridge

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Moolah

Hubby and I had a rather messy convo about taxes last night, in prep for today's filing.  He can be overly pessimistic and estimated us owing in the long run, rather than recouping anything.  That prediction had me in a full on anxiety attack, as we need as big of a refund as we can get with another adoption in the works and all of our grand plans for FETs and deFETs.

And as much as I feel we scrimp and scrimp around here, it never seems to make our saving account grow.

Seriously, I shop almost exclusively at Goodwill and Salvation Army on sale days, no less, and eat mostly winter squash so we should be saving something.  And with Z no longer on formula, the money should start piling up somewhere, for crying out loud!

I was nearly in tears at the prospect of owing the government more money than the huge chunk they already take, which usually adds up to anywhere from 25-30% of hubby's paycheck.

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One Step at a Time

I'll write about my birthday later.  It was a great day and if you're friends with me on Facebook, then you already know what I did.

Today, though, I have an update on something I didn't think I'd be writing about for at least another year.

In a nearly unprecedented change of the status quo, my hubby called me up this morning and asked me to schedule an initial appointment with the IVF clinic we really like and were able to get a referral to in town.  Apparently so we can get the ball rolling on me trying to get pregnant again.

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