Capping the Craziness

I am officially ruling out a November transfer.  I think it's absolutely insane to try to arrange everything in so many different states in such a short amount time.  And if anything went wrong and I didn't end up pregnant, I would blame the crazy schedule, the airplane ride, trying to do too much, being in panic mode about all of the details, etc - in short, I would feel responsible.  I can't live with that kind of outcome.  If we don't end up pregnant, but we did everything we could to take it easy and ensure a good outcome, well then it's completely in God's hands.  But if there is a chance that I screwed it up, I will be a guilty wreck for a very long time.

We're talking about the difference of 8 weeks, which potentially could be the difference between life and death, between chaos and calm, between lasting guilt and peace, between sorry and safe.

Each event, each adoption deserves it's own separate timeline, it's own dedication of our time and effort.  And the only way to accomplish that and maintain any kind of sanity is to do them in separate months.  Plus my mom agreed to stay here with us longer after she was supposed to return to Arizona, and take care of Z and Kumquat for us while we take care of the DeFET in TN.

I think I'm really making the responsible decision, and definitely the rational one.  And just because we've gone the crazy route in the past doesn't mean we have to always push the limit with every attempt to get pregnant.  Seriously, I'm tired of being a hot worried mess when it comes to infertility. Plus, wouldn't getting pregnant while parenting a 2 year old and an 8 week old count as nuts enough?

No rush, please.  We've done enough of that.  It's time to stop pushing the time boundary at every turn.  Even if it means I'm a complete hormonal mess of a pin cushion over Christmas, you know, because I'm gonna be shooting up drugs once more (yay for PIO in the bum).